Whichever version of reality is yours, living life in the military or loving someone who does, comes with many hurdles to cross. But one of the biggest problems we face is geography.
The truth is that a military merry Christmas is sometimes not that merry at all, especially when you’re partner in crime is somewhere else entirely.
Trying to enjoy the festive season without your other half there can leave you torn between the sadness that one of you is missing from the traditions you’ve built together as a family, and the guilt that you might be having fun.
It can be difficult to get into the Christmas spirit when you’re having to deal with present shopping, preparations, planning and logistics alone.
Under pressure
The pressure of trying to make it all perfect to compensate for the heartbreak of a child missing their other parent can be overwhelming.
Little Wilfred is running about at night like Santa up and down a chimney. He’s missing Dad, he’s refusing to sleep or give you a moment to unwind and catch up on “Strictly – it Takes 2”. You’ve already used the threat of the naughty or nice list 382 times. It’s had no effect, your patience is wearing thin and you’ve still so much to do. It feels like time to give up on Christmas altogether.
Will they won’t they?
If your partner is away or departing soon, life can be can be fraught with uncertainty especially when arrival and departure dates scheduled perilously close to Christmas keep changing.
The “will they won’t they” game is in constant progress, and you juggle the emotions of just wishing you could get on with planning the big day, with or without them there.
What would I do without you?
Military life has a unique way of throwing us curveballs and interfering with the joy of celebrating together and this is why we rely upon the important relationships we forge with other military families to help support us through the difficult times.
Thankfully, the armed forces family has a unique way of recognising and subtly supporting each other during these times of separation. Community spirit is what makes being a part of a military family extra-special, and it is never more prevalent than at Christmas time.
Its Christmas on “the patch”. Susan next door invites you to join them for the celebrations. Kate takes your kids so you can get your last-minute food shopping done. Sammy feeds your cat so you can escape for a cosy Christmas with family at home.
It’s amazing how the smallest of gestures can make the hugest difference.
But there are so many other curveballs that a Military merry Christmas can throw at us.
Living overseas – a Logistical nightmare
Wherever you live, you probably don’t have family close by for suppprt and the logistics of crossing the miles to see them can create huge hurdles to negotiate.
“Going home” can be an absolute barrel of laughs when you’re living overseas.
It’s the Christmas holidays and you need to work out the logistics of that visit. It’s a precision job. Everything from flights, to hire cars, and the exact size of the empty suitcase you’re taking to bring the kids gifts back. After several flight delays and a near nervous break down, you arrive home, just in time! It’s Christmas eve. The kids are sound asleep on a Z bed, and you’re feeling full of festive cheer. That is of course until “the Big Fat Fella” gets up from his chair, wolfs down his obligatory mince pie, and delivers a dolls house. Happy Christmas!!
How the hecky-thump are you going to get THAT home?! No one ever thinks about logistics except for you. Because you’re an expert at travelling, flying, driving, living out of bags and sleeping on peoples floors. It’s all part and parcel of military life.
Now, surely going home should be simpler if you live in the UK?!
We use it as the perfect opportunity to break away from the goldfish bowl of life at our unit. A chance to go home and get some proper comfort. A place where the heating is on 24/7, there is no mould, and the grill and more than 2 cooker rings work. (Imagine a house like that!)
The truth is, that the meeting of military families across the miles could not be less straight forward if we tried. The reasons for this are a myriad of disastrous possibilities waiting to ambush your best laid plans.
You pack your bags, keeping fingers and toes crossed for your partner getting an early stack to kick off the Christmas grant; you are looking forward to getting there in time for a large glass of something cold.
But what you don’t realise is there are other plans afoot.
The cruel mischief makers in the sky (and your partner’s boss) have other plans for your trip, and up until now you’ve been blissfully unaware!
Here are just a few of the scenarios that might well take place.
The one where we turned up so late we missed Christmas Eve
The one where 4 of us were going but only 3 of us arrived
The one where no one shows up at all
There are also several not-to-be missed spin off shows;
THE ONE WHERE WE ALL HAD FLU
THE ONE WITH THE LAST MINUTE DETACHMENT
THE ONE WHERE THE CAR BROKE DOWN
Fancy trying any of these…? I recommend you don’t!
The best laid plans of having visitors, and other nightmares.
Your fridge is literally fit to burst with all their favourite food. There are SO many flavours of Whitely Neil’s and Tonic in the kitchen you could easily start your own Gin Bar. You’ve baked a massive Christmas cake which the kids have decorated to look like the visiting person in a santa hat; and the phone rings…
It might be any one of these scenarios that grinds your party plans to a halt;
#1. “We’re at the vets, Fluffy got into the Christmas presents and he’s eaten a whole box of lindt”!
(It was probably Dad’s fault).
#2. Driving conditions are treacherous, we’ve urged ourselves to stay at home”!
#3. “We know Chris Rea always makes it, but this doesn’t look promising!”
#4. And everyone’s favourite from a few years ago
I bet we could all show and tell; tales of thwarted attempts to stay connected with the ones we love at Christmas. But stories that end in disaster are actually the stuff of future family legend. It’s par for the course as a military family.
We can’t control the life we chose to lead. It’s a sometimes hard and bumpy road we need to travel alone, but the amazing love suppprt and understanding of those around us make a Christmas apart easier to bare.
So this blog is dedicated to all military families world wide, and the friends and families who support them come what may. It’s for all those who visit us to bridge the gap at Christmas time. It’s for those who are there to support our visits, to host us, to lend us their floors and spare beds for sleep and fill our hearts with cheer.
This is a heartfelt wish for a wonderful festive season and
…. a Merry Military Christmas
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