The Best Laid Plans

#1. Life is a rollercoaster

In the words of Ronan Keeting,

“Life is a rollercoaster,
Just gotta ride it”

You climbed on board,

You are in control.

And you know things.

You know you’re going on holiday in August. You know that he’s taking you out for a birthday meal next week, and it’s 100% definite he will be there to see your babies first nativity because he’s put in leave. Its been approved.

Everyone needs a plan. It’s the little things we look forward to that make the big things more bearable.  If you’re anything like me, you don’t have a diary to organise life, just a head full of dates and random stuff, vaguely bouncing and colliding; if you do have a diary (you impressive specimen) you will fill it with key dates, commitments, important events and all the plans for the great things you will do together as a couple or a family. It’s a plan you cling to because it’s what makes life normal.

Then, one day, there will be a “something,” a phone call, a hiccup, a great big spanner in the proverbial works, and a whole new story will unfold. It will confuse your diary and your mind, turn life upside down, and sometimes even, break your heart.

On the school-run a mum flies across the playground, like Wylie Coyote chasing Roadrunner with a stick of Acme. She disappears in a cloud of dust without saying a word. Her companion, a serving Mum, coughs and explains to others around, “He was put on 12 hours to move last night. He’s been called forward.”
Her world will be in chaos for the foreseeable future. The grass that he was halfway through mowing before the call will now stay that way for several weeks or more. Instead of cutting the grass herself, she prioritises;

• the ironing pile,
• after school clubs
• building the new bed they just bought their son
• food shopping
• walking the dog
• MOT-ing the car
• Deadlines at work

The list goes on and on.

She tries to keep life as normal for the kids as she can. She will still attempt the 5 hour drive at Easter to visit his Mum and Dad because she promised she would. She doesn’t want to let anyone down. Every time she glances out the window whilst scrubbing burned pasta from a pan,  she will see her half-jungle half-lawn, full of poppies, nettles, and meter high weeds. Its big enough for Tarzan to swing through. She will be reminded of those last few hours he was there, a big gaping hole left where he should be. 

The kids are fighting upstairs, the dishwasher just broke, and she feels so tired that even her tired is tired.

Then the phone rings.

He’s calling from somewhere she dare not ask. She is elated to hear his voice. She is missing him, and she is missing the help he gives. He’s upbeat and relieved to hear her cheerfully say “I’m good babe, really good. The kids are being great. We’re doing well. ” She has programmed herself to stay positive even if she wants to cry.

It’s not like this for all of us. We all deal with these unprecedented changes in different ways. Some of us will feel resentful and let down but say nothing. Some of us will tell our partner exactly how we feel. Some of us may even sit on their packed kit bags to try and keep them from going at all (thank you to my very own Kitkat for the perfect example of a protest sit). And finally some of us will actually cope just fine. There is no right or wrong way.

Our familial makeups are diverse, from the stay at home dad, to the career woman who’s wife only comes home at weekends. There will be thousands of versions of this make-believe scene that are a reality for someone today, tomorrow, next week, next year. It may only happen once in your relationship, but it may happen all the time.

I’m building a series of blogs with the title “The Best Laid Plans,” exploring the diverse ways in which we have been affected by and learned to cope with the fluidity of military life.

Can you think of a time you’ve experienced a sudden change in direction like this? A huge disappointment? Or something has just got so farcically confused you forgot to feed yourself and went to work in your Pyjamas?

If you’d like to get involved, please do get in touch via the contact form below. I would love to hear from you with your own ‘best laid plans’, find out what happened, how you coped, and what the outcome was.

I will get the ball rolling with a cracking real life story of how very quickly life plans can change – and this one belongs to me.

Look out for my follow on Blog – Best Laid Plans #2. “A letter to The Boss”.