Last night, I observed my beautiful children holding a “conversation” with their Dad. I need to add at this point that Dad is currently a floating head on a mobile phone; a satellite parent, doing some important stuff and things in a different place to where we are. The kids accept this reality without fuss. It’s only short-term separation, and although they don’t like it, they’re used to him being away.
As a family we feel it’s essential to maintain regular contact so they can still feel his love even when he’s not around. But the quality of that daily phone call is just far too organic for my liking. It’s an ever changing beast that’s completely out of my control and it’s as unpredictable as the British weather!
For example,
Last night I said:
Why don’t you tell Daddy about your first day back at School?
What they heard:
Why don’t you ignore Daddy and fight over who’s getting the last Tunnocks Teacake?
This frustrating behaviour isn’t just reserved for Daddy either.
The day before this, I Facetimed my Mum:
What I said:
Why don’t you show Granny the certificates you got at swimming?
What they heard:
Stand on your head and make noises like a dying frog
I’m happy to say that they’re getting better with age, and this was just an end of summer holiday glitch. But, for a long time, ALL our conversations went this way. After the last move, it seemed like all their connections with life outside our military quarter were drifting away, and external relationships became so hard to maintain. No matter how hard I tried to get them to talk, real life for them was the here and now. Although they missed their Dad, friends and family like crazy, they couldn’t deal with the fact these people were quite simply not there. No matter how much they loved and missed the person on the end of that call, the Tunnocks Teacakes and frog noises of life would always win, hands down.
Talking about their day and remembering it’s content was not the same as reaching out a hand, playing a game, snuggling on the sofa, reading a story. How can you possibly keep them connected if they have no words to say or are just too tired to try? The pressure is too much and the calls can’t happen.
Now I’m guessing a few of you are nodding your heads and thinking this sounds really familiar? Hands up who knows exactly what I mean? That’s more than a few of you I’m sure!
This is the very reason I wanted to kick start my new series of blogs by introducing you to a charity that has helped thousands of families like ours to realise a way to deal with some of these very common difficulties we face.
SO WHO ARE READINIG FORCE?
Reading Force offers amazing support to military families, providing them with a fantastic tool to break down the regularity of awkward phone calls and painful separation. The driving force behind the wonderful work they do is simply to “bring military families closer together”. And its something they excel at!
The idea of Reading Force is a simple one – to build a bridge of books between absent parents and the children they’ve left behind; to offer a point of contact, a shared experience, something to talk and laugh about together, an intimate experience that dissolves distance.
Meg Rossoff – Carnegi Medal Winning Childrens Author
I first heard about the scheme through a friend whose husband was detached.
She’d been given the information by our local HIVE, she’d sent away for her free books, and they’d arrived in the post a few days later. Both books were brilliantly age and gender appropriate and she was “chuffed to bits“.
My instant reaction was:
“WOW that‘s amazing. My Kids would LOVE that!”
I then went ahead and did absolutely NOTHING!
BUT WHY?
Because I wrongly assumed that Reading Force was only available to children with a detached parent. And as both of us were very much at home, I did nothing at all.
Now, I need to dispel the myth immediately that reading force only helps families with a detached parent.
It couldn’t be further from the truth.
In fact, any Armed Forces family, including cadets reservists and former Forces families (veteran or through separation/divorce) can benefit from the service they offer.
All you have to do is ask.
Reading Force provides a wonderful platform on which families can connect, keeping family ties around the world alive through the wonderful world of sharing words and pictures. Parents apply, Children receive. What they get in return is a free book and a beautiful scrap book in which to record their reading journeys. There’s no right or wrong way to fill in the scrap book, just allow it to take whatever form or shape the children want it to. They can be filled with words, drawings, photographs, thoughts, feelings, stickers, whatever helps the children to share the joy of reading and create a positive bond with people they are separated from.
I recently spoke to a Family who have used Reading Force several times to help them through difficult times and also, “just for fun“. Mum described how amazing it was for her family during lockdown:
We met with my Granny and Sister on a Friday night on zoom. We’d set up our laptops and we would read the book together and discuss it and we always had a wee treat and a bowl of good snacks. It was our Reading Club and we all loved it. “
Cheryl M – Scotland
The great news is that Reading Force isn’t just for younger children. As children mature they can progress from Infant to Junior scrapbooks and then on to ‘Life of a Page Turner’, a reading journal created by teens for teens. The Life of a Page Turner is filled with positive affirmations, incredible anime drawings and gives teenage military children the opportunity to express thoughts and feelings on paper, whether it be about the book they’re reading or someone they’re missing.
The reason Reading Force is so brilliant is it gives children a common reason to connect with their emotions and loved ones no matter how near or far. The work they do is seemingly endless. They hold a fully interactive service online, too, sharing peoples’ pictures and stories, running competitions and giveaways, and hosting book clubs to keep the joy of reading and sharing books alive. It’s even used to support military communities in education and is an invaluable tool for schools to give to children, especially those overseas. I can’t recommend them enough!
With huge thanks to all at Reading Force for the wonderful work they do to support Armed Forces families in staying together even though they’re apart.
You’re amazing 😍
FOR MORE INFO, FOLLOW:
https://www.readingforce.org.uk/
https://www.facebook.com/readingforce
https://www.instagram.com/readingforce2017/
twitterhttps://twitter.com/ReadingForce
or email them at
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